CuteNeko Say's

Ah what has trasnpired

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 10:52:55 GMT

Wow indeed wow indeed!
its been a while I mean almost 5 months since my brake up and I must say I am feeling very well. I am in a good place and I am not leaving that place. as for my little bundle of joy she is growing to be this cute lil girl I adore so much. I cant help but watch her in amazement at the cutest thing she does and seeing how much she has grown in to a sweet lil girl who loves the attention! oh my indeed. I am a proud parent to see this all happening before my eyes. I cant help but have to wait for her to start crawling soon and then walking! Now for the new person in my life would have to be my kitsune who I adore so much that he has made me happy though we r far apart we still make every day count. I love the fact that he adores my daughter makes me so happy that he wont ever reject her and put her last. well that’s about as new as it can get in my life other then new anime but I think that’s for another tale to be told ^_^

Staring

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 09:05:32 GMT

I look at my ring and wonder. I wonder if I should have on my finger. Part of me feels I should keep it on my finger that all that was said was just a fluke that its not real, but my other side knows I am just lying to my self. Its a deceit and just get rid of it so u wont have to look back on this relationship that left u alone. I keep hearing a voice echoing in my head saying your alone and will remain alone. It repeats over and over never letting me sleep a peaceful night or day. It haunts me and the more I listen to it the more I realize its speaking the truth. I hate it. I hate hearing that stupid voice speaking the truth. I still look at the ring and think what should I do with it. Should I keep it, sell it, burry it. I don’t know any more. I wish I knew what to do about this god dam ring. I look at it and recent that the love I had is now gone and that ring is now a constant reminder of it. I finally removed it from my hand and I stare at it, I hold it, I curse it. Truth be told I still love that ring. I love it, yet I hate it. It was given to me , because he loved me and wanted to show me how he felt. Now. that the love is no longer their I don’t know what its’ special meaning is now. The ring has lost its special meaning to were I curse my self. I wish I knew what to do in a situation like this, but I don’t. I wish I could turn the hands of time and go back to those happier times. Those times, I was the happiest I had ever been. Sure we had our lil fights but.. it never lasted because we were given time to reconcile and love each other again. I often think that we r just having a big fight and we need time apart to reconcile, but... that's a foolish thought. I know that is not it. I know that we wont get back together, and I know I am just living in a delusional state, and I think that we can go back to how things were. I am filled with doubt , and sadness. I know I will eventually get over it but its to far of time to get over. I some times want to take a walk at night and loose my self. I want to loose my self and never return, but even if I loose my self I would want to be found by him. I want to be able to forget this pain in my heart, but if I forget I would not want to forget how happy I felt to be his, and to be claimed as his. Its so humorously sad that we had many dreams of living together and being happy, but I realize it was false. It was wrong of me to dream of these false hopes of him and I to be happy together, and nothing ever lasts. Now I am jealous.. jealous of the fact that others are happy and I am miserable. I am miserable for filling like this. I don’t want to feel like this any more I want to erase the pain as if it never existed, along with the happiness that came with it. I want to forget everything that I experience. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I been sad for to long and I am just tired of it. I thought if I hid my true feelings of doubt and sadness from him and only displayed a happy face to him that things would be ok. If I ignored what troubled me and not worry him that he would be happy with me. Me being happy with him would make him happy is what I thought. I was stupid and wrong to think that me putting a happy face and tell him don’t worry things will be ok will be ok. Oh how wrong was I. I want to drown my sorrows away and feel numb I want to burry these sorrows away and be numb, but I can't even do what I want to. People will tell he is not worth the trouble of crying. Others will tell me its ok u will get over it. and others will tell me its better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all. I probably don’t want to hear it, and I will probably have no choice but to hear it. That doesn’t mean I will pay attention and listen to their advice. I hope or I wish things could be easy and it would be all ok, but that is just silly to want that and hope for that when it will not be ok when I know it will never happen.

Brake up u.u;

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 11:36:41 GMT

Today or actually yesterday, we broke up. He came by to see me and the baby and after he had a bonding moment I went outside to talk to him how things r going and well once we got talking we went in deep detail about how life sucked and how hard that we cant take it any more. We finally realized that our love.. that I treasured so much was crumbling that it can no longer be repaired. W e finally realized that brake up was the only solution to save each other the pain when it would become harder. We saved each other the misery, but some how misery was just the beginning of how I felt. I feel depressed, angry, hurt, and mad at my self. I am angry at my self for not communicating with him as much as I should have, but he wasn’t helping either when it came to that department. I am sad that I cry so much of the realization that its over. I feel hurt because the times I shared with him r precious to me and now they r the constant reminder of what I lost. I am angry at the world and him for I was given pain. My heart has crumbled into pieces that I don’t know how I will repair it and mend it back together to be whole again. I knew this was coming the moment I moved back in with my parents. Things were not ok and peachy as we made them to look. Inside your bottled emotions we hid what we really felt. I felt he was ignoring me and the fact that he made excuses to not come visit me and our daughter harbored a resentment. He was mad at his job for having to deal with angry customers as if it was all his fault and they need to take their anger upon him. He is tired of driving to work and back home to were he has no life at all. He stresses over bills that need to be paid. Car payment, rent, Phone bill(he is behind two months now), and worrying about my welfare as well as the baby's. It all boiled down to were their was nothing to cool it down and make things better. I cried. He cried. But nothing was resolved. We just told each other that we need to brake up and start fresh before we ended up getting more hurt. I wish I can turn back the hands of time to be in a happy place with him were everything was ok, but I know they wont be. Friends were all shocked that we ended and went our separate ways. I try and not cry but no mater how hard I try I look back upon my happier times with him and cry all over again. I am tired of crying but it seems that’s all I can do, Crying is all I am good at. I wish I could just disappear right now and never be seen again, but I cant do such a selfish thing. Some one depends on me. A small child who I want her to remember me. I want her to know who I am and that’s my daughter. My daughter gives me lil strength to at least live and to smile at her(even if that smile is a mask of how I truly feel). I will smile for her so that she wont worry about me. I don’t want her to worry about such foolish feelings I am feeling right now. I want her to be happy , so I will be happy for her sake. I cant turn back the hands of time but... but I can hope for a better future that I might meet some one to love again, but I am doubtful any one will be good enough. I know that no man can replace Ron (the one I so truly loved and still love) I just hope I still hold a special place in his heart and we can reconcile, but that is just hopeful or wishful thinking. I am probably or will be replaced and I will be stuck in the past waiting.. for him to come back. I know that will probably never happened even if I desire it so much to be back in his arms and to be held again and to be loved by him and only him. That I know will never happen, How am I certain . lets just say its a gut wrenching feeling. I just.. hope my gut is wrong and my heart is right about needing time apart and then getting back together. When I look at my wonderful beautiful daughter I see him. I see him and I am brought back to tears. Their is no going back o the way things were and I must except them and move on, but I just hope we can reconcile and be together again. One can dream and wish the impossible.

1,2,3,4 Shin chan!

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 11:43:58 GMT

Note* The title has nothing to do with what I am saying*

Alright, here is an update on what has gone up in my life.

Last year Christmas time I was proposed to by my bf of two years. I was so excited that I cried holding him and thinking I am so very lucky to be asked this ON A SPEACIAL DAY LIKE CHRISTMAS EVE, on top of that he even asked my dad for permission. I was really happy and nothing could ruin my happiness. Around that time of December I found out I was going to have a baby. We weren't even trying to have one but then again we never used protection so we were like Fuck! I was happy and thrilled non the less that I was going to be a mother to a baby who I will love and cherish. I of course took care of my self while I was working. I went to my doctor's appointments and ate healthy while not stuffing my self because every time I did I would puke out my food and the aftertaste of puke is just horrible. I found out when the baby's due date was when I was in my first trimester and I was happy she was due near my b-day which happens to be Aug. 21. I had some scares in my first trimester were I thought was going to loose the baby because I was bleeding when I am not suppose to bleed but after taking a month off work were I was no longer bleeding and starting my second trimester. Wow second trimester is what I thought I could see my tummy growing much more and not being able to fit into my jeans well that kind of sucked for me lol but non the less I was excited and rubbing my tummy so much that I couldn’t stop. I had gotten emotional were I was home sick or I wanted attention from my future husband I did get that attention and more. around my last trimester it was going well except my feet were in pain a lot more because I was standing for more then 2 hours at work and I would have sharp pains around my stomach which was not good I wasn’t ready to deliver as of yet lucky for me I was able to be on my 8th month with out to much trouble but my child had other plans were she was being a lil impatient and had to come out now. On July 13 at 2 am I started to feel like my bladder was being kicked or abused to were I needed to go to the bathroom. Oh how wrong was I till my water broke and I felt so much pain oh it hurt so bad I wanted to punch my bf though I did I wish I could have but I didn’t. I was rushed to the hospital around 6 a.m. I was told that the baby was breached and it was time for her to come out. It felt like she was having fun jumping inside of me were her feet pushed down on me and her head pushed up on my chest. so in other words her head was not positioned were it was supposed to be. I had no choice but to get c-section. I was happy about the drug they gave me to numb my waist to my feet so I felt no such pain but numby goodness which was fun, but once the affect of the drug wore off I felt itchy every were! and I was very much annoyed with. Needless to say I had a beautiful baby girl who I adore so much now and treasure! Well its been two months and 2 days since se was born but she officially two weeks from her original due date and I must say she is doing fine for a preemie baby how 34-35 weeks. she does have a lil thing called apnea but she is growing out of that were she doesn’t forget to breath. I take her to her check ups with her doctor and do what I need to do as a parent to take care of her, but she gets so much attention from me and from her family who love her dearly.

Now for my relationship. I am not sure what to say. I feel like its slowly crumbling because of the lack of communication from his end. I feel shunned from him. He never calls and if he does its an excuse that he cant come and visit me nor the baby. I know his excuses r valid, but I hate them.... I hate them so much that I just sick and tired of hearing them. My family or rather my dad asks me questions of doesn't he care about his daughter enough to come and see her? I also make excuses for him when it comes to him loving his daughter and why he cant come and see her. but I am tired of making excuses for him and tired of hearing them from him. I feel as though we drifted apart in some way and I find it hard to get close to him like I once felt. I call him yes, but I am tired of him not trying to at least call me to ask how I am or how is the baby. I know he works hard just to earn the money to pay bills that need to be paid and its hard, but sometimes I wish he would call just out of the blue and surprise me and tell me he loves me or even say how is my daughter is she ok or what am I missing out that I don’t get to see. I get nothing in return. it just seems like things have changed so much that it brings me to tears on the inside and on the outside I put a fake mask of happiness were I hide the pain. I hurt so much that I pity my self. Truth is I am tired of filling pity for my self and I am tired of not hearing from him. Maybe I am complaining to much and perhaps I should take things as is and except them and feel happy I have a part of him with my sweet lil girl who looks at me with those innocent eyes and make my bad days go away like they have never happened, but that temporary happiness can go so far. I find my self having a mental conversation with my self and him thinking of this is what I should say and be stern and say this don’t back down, but in the end I back down and tell him other wise when I do call him because I am tired of waiting. It seems all I do is wait for him to call or to come vast. I have gotten so many disappointments of him not showing up, even when I ask him is he coming over and says he cant I am not one least bit surprised that he was not going to come. Why do I still ask him if he is coming or not? I guess its wishful thinking that he might consider coming, but wishful thinking brings my joyful state to a sadness. I want to tell him how I feel but I never do. All I do is joke around with him and tell him things r ok when they r not. I just don’t really know what to do any more with him. I feel so far away from his heart no matter how hard I try to cling to the love I had before things changed. I am uncertain that my love for him will last and wont recuperate and I will not be the once happy, silly, weird girl I once was. I feel like I need to move on and pick up pieces of shattered happiness and move on. I feel though that I cant move forward and stuck to one spot waiting. I wait for him even though I feel that I shouldn’t, some how I still feel so loyal to him yet disloyal that I haven’t told him how I truly feel at this moment and all that bottled up emotions of sadness and uncertainty and anger seem to be slowly being bottled up, but I know that bottle will eventually crack and wont be my self anymore. I fear that I am loosing every bit that I once was, the person I was I miss . I miss my carefree days I miss the days I just started to open my heart up and love this man, the man that distanced himself from me, and I know it probably wasn’t on purpose. I don’t know if my true feelings will reach him or if he were to ask me if I am ok I would lie to him and tell him other wise. I feel that he shouldn’t know how I truly feel for far that I might loose him. I have so many fears and I close my self up and not share with him how I feel. I hope that one day i will be able to tell him how i really feel about our whole mess that has been made and I want to be able to fix it, but i don't know when exactly that will eventually happene. I just hope that me telling him how I feel won't be to late.

Well that’s pretty much how I feel in a nutshell. I said everything that troubled and constricted my heart so hopefully my words do not frighten ppl or pity me because of how sad I am or happy. I just wanted a place to vent and my journal just seemed perfect.

one more thing here is a pic of my beautiful baby girl Lilly Maria Colburn! and as well on how I look like as well ^__^

lol well well what can i say?

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 18:54:59 GMT

It’s been a while since I been here lol well almost a year since e I updated!!! Gosh has it been that long O.o??? I guess it has been that long. Well one thing needs to be said here and I shall be the one to tell lol I am pregnant!!! Yesh I am and I am 7 months pregnant too lol soo the lil hellion is soon to be born lol. Yesh I am still with the love of my life and of course he is the father of my cute lil spawn of hell lol. I know this is all knew or probably old news O.o but which ever it is don’t care XD! well last time I left off were hmm I moved out I guess well I still moved out of course but know I am living with my future - mother - in law lol, yesh I do get along with her and along with my future siblings lol just like my hubby has gotten along with my family, and guess what my dad actually likes him!!!! I was soo happy that my dad started to like him more and more with each passing day that passes us. Of course the days seem shorter and time likes to sleep away from us but I guess that’s life or is it O.o??? Anyways I enjoy the days that pass by with me the baby and my hubby who I adore though sometimes he is a pain in my ass XD!! But what life partner isn’t? I have good days and I have bad days the bad days consist at nights when my lil spawn won’t let me sleep and the good days consist when I spend time with my fiancée!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yehs yesh I am soo full of my self it seems but I am happy how things r in my life though the only thing that sucks is the fact that I hardly or haven’t gone to visit my family and would like to go with them to Vegas to have a good week of fun, but I cant cuz I am a high risk Prego lady O.o so that ruined my fun ;-; and I wanted to go sooo bad, but I was promised that I will go to Vegas with my hubby and the baby so we can have a good time ^__^ so that I look forward too!!! Well I hope that this will give u info on what has happened to me so far in my life of the day to day and I will do my best to keep u my loyal readers on my pregnant life O.o or what’s left of it XD!!

Me and my HUBBY!!

the baby at its first begining stages of life but the baby is now 7 months and I don’t have any recent pics >

Yay!!

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 05:09:32 GMT

Well I am here today. Here were I am soo missed by. That’s the online world of all worlds!!!! hmm well I recently got kicked out of the place I was staying but did not care I just didn’t feel like living their no more the unwanted ness of that place nearly tore my relationship with my bf apart, but we recovered once we moved out. I am still struggling to get my own place with him but that might come to an end since he has a good job earning more then what I make with in a month. Well he does earn about almost 3 grand a month while i earn at Wal-mart 800 with out taxes being taken out but they do take out taxes witch sucks ass!!!! But oh well that’s life. Right know I am currently living with my future mother in law who was kind enough to let me live with her while making the condition that her son who I am dating cant live their with me witch makes it a lil on the hard side but at least I am not an hours a way of drive to come and visit. Hmmm I pretty much summarized my while situation about what I have done these past couple of weeks of months but this sucks now I don’t know what to talk about >_> curses!!!

Oh well I guess I should end this lil update of my life with my bf XD!! ttul!!

Hey All!!

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 21:38:45 GMT

Well I know its been a long time since I've been here and did a major update on my journal, but guess what I am here to make some major update on what’s happened to me in my most recent week's that I can recall XD!

First off I moved out of my parents place and I am living with my b.f. and a bunch of friends. I have some what of a comfortable lifestyle here but I still have to work on cleaning the house and look for a job, which I did get a job and I start in may which is sooo coool so I can be deadly prepared for anime expo!!!! Yes anime expo is coming soon and I don’t know what to dress up as. I think I will just put on my kimono and that will be it not sure. I mean it’s a silk kimono that has cherry blossoms on it and its pure white with a black sash so it matches XD! Their is so much to do I don’t know were to begin, but I know I will make it in life and move back to the valley were my friends are. I doo miss them but I also made new friends here and I don’t want to leave them ;-;. So many decision to make in life and yet so lil time. People always say you have all the time in the world, but I know that’s not true it passes on and on till u know u reach a certain age and u can no longer do what u wanted in life. Which sucks in my case so I am trying to do them as fast as I can to achieve them, and realize I did have a good life and I can pass on peacefully when my time comes, but who's to say I am going to pass right away. Hell no!!! I still have so much to live and doo.

Well I sidetracked from what has happened to me in life, but I still wanna continue what I have done so far with my life. That I seem to be running out of time on this computer and don’t know why... wait I doo people want to use the computer and I cant hog it all to my self so I bid all of u a farewell for now till my next update ^__^

Jane!!!!

Wow Up-Date!

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 09:53:54 GMT

Wow its been so long since I got to update my journal. What is their to say, what have I been up to, and what are my plans for the future? These are the questions that you my faithful readers are probably asking huh? Well to recap on my situation I will be moving out soon. Yea I know I will be computer less for gods know how long, but you know what it will be worth it cuz I will be close to my bf/future husband. Now my home situation. My family knows except my father who I will tell in due time but not at this moment I just rather him make me mad and just blurt out of anger that I am moving out that way I wont have any remorse feelings that will make me back down. Hmmm I thinks that’s pretty much it besides me putting my school a bit on hold to get a job were I will be living now cuz I am a big girl and big girls have jobs to pay the rent! Yes I will be paying rent or something like that or probably save up money to buy a car so that bf can get rid of his stinky truck and well make payments on the car XD!! well yes that’s my life in a nutshell but I hope things will turn out ok cuz I really don’t want to run to daddy. Its time I proved to him I can make it in this big world and make it with out coming to him for help.

Sorry for the delay in my update, but I will try and update from time to time as much as I can for as long as I have a computer to access.

Ja Ne

Hey!! Merry Christmas!!!

Sat, 25 Dec 2004 05:06:12 GMT

Well as u know its Christmas Eve!! and u know what that means food, food and more food, and oh yea presents!! we all cant forget that huh? well who would want to forget? I know I wouldn’t, but I already got my present from my loving bf and now I just have to go with my family and have a good time watching movies and eating and such as the family get to gather gathering for this holiday comes. I just hope u guys have a good one this year and here is my lil something to add for everyone to have fun or maybe even be annoyed . who knows but my sister gave it to me and she was laughing her ass off so maybe u will enjoy it too O.o?

DO NOT CLICK ME!!!

Monday!!! Hazza!!

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 01:27:15 GMT

Well ppl today is Monday and that means that my bf/fiancé/soon to be husband is here to visit me O.o and I was not even ready.. in fact I was sleeping when he came to see me and my sister woke me up telling me he was here O.o talk about sleeping through anything huh? Oh well at least he is here to see me even if I look soo dam horrible when I wake up. He still loves me even with all my icky ness when I wake up in the afternoon, yes the afternoon. I wake up late all the time so sue me >.<. Well anyway we about to head out to do something well anything better then doing nothing at all, so I will post my quiz of the day like all the always so that u my lovely yet loyal fans can read ^_^

Pink Chii

Chobits - What Color Chii Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay I got pink Chii!! isn’t she soo cute and sweet well I guess she describes me in a way towards ppl I love well almost XD!! well here is an end to my journal entry for now my adoring fans until next time when I update again. ENJOY THIS ENTRY AND QUIZ.
JaNe!

P.s I beat my bf at Metroid the new game!! muahahahaha!!

Yay!!! New quiz!!

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 20:33:21 GMT

Well I was looking at old friend entries and saw a quiz that caught my eye, and said I have to take it!!! To no surprise I worked my way to get a character I WANT TO GET SO BADLY! well I was in luck cuz I got that character and now I get to post my quiz of the day so that you my loyal faithful readers will get to take an interesting quiz ^^

Kakashi

Which Naruto character do you fight like?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes I got Kakashi!!! The man I am so interested in and cant stop obsessing over him cuz I find him attractive and hot!!!! OMFG he is such a hotty!!!!!!!! Well that’s my imagination running wild again with my anime fantasies XD!! well hope u like the quiz just as much as I do taking them but if your not a Naruto fan I suggest u don’t touch it or take it cuz u will just be confused but that’s just me. Well have fun my loyal fans who need to know when I update my journal. Ttul my loyal fans and till next tiem I will update again with another quiz of the day.
Jane

Oh my my my my!!

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 22:18:58 GMT

Today my bf took a test that I took a while back and it came out bad more bad then mine did XD!! oh well life sucks and so do quizzes when they work against you!!! well here is the test!!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

But I am not done posting no no no I still have my quiz of the day to take hahahahha! So I will give u the quiz of the day for all my loyal fans to read up and take too ^^

The "Which Member of AVALANCHE are You?" quiz is brought to you by Gospel Decay.

yay I got Aeris so enjoy the quiz of the day and hope to her from my loyal readers and ttul cuz I must get my ass out of my house and be with my baby for tonight and have some fun!!!!Sory for hte lack or typing on my part but kinda in a short time were I need to go go go!! love you all!!
Ja Ne my faithful readers!!

Oooh Guild Wars!!

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 23:37:21 GMT

Ya Know Guild Wars is finally playable again!! This made me happy that I was able to play that darn game again with my two friends corlinthian and Eric. Well Corli is Eddie in real life well that’s his name but I like calling him Corli since I met him on Conquer that was a fun game but I stopped playing it. Well the reason I stopped cuz it was well getting boring so I wanted a new game that was more fun and I found it thanks to Eric who is my nerdy friend!!! Yay for him that I am so in love with this game. I am a Necromancer/Elementalist so I can use dark magic as well as light magic which I like , yes me likies ^__^. Anyways I am gonna be off again to play again with Corli or who ever I see fit to play muahahahaha. I so love that game so much that I cant get enough of!!!! Cant wait to get new armor though O.o. Now for your enjoyment I am now giving u the quiz of the day which is.....

<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay I am a Beatiful Angel Horay for me!!! Well hope u enjoyed my quiz as much as I like taking them so enjoy my loyal fans and hope to read your posts sooner or later!!!
Jane my Loyal Fans!!

P.s: I luv Kakashi Kun. He my one my Lover in my fantasy world of anime of course I cant forget about Sesshomaru!! He also my crazy lover!!!!!!! I just cant stop thinking about Kakashi and his hidden face under the mask which is already a cute sexy face!! many other things that include the real world and of course my lovable Ron. are also in my head of fantasies. I luv u Baby!!!! Always Will!!!!!

Its Boriung Day After all!!

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 00:31:10 GMT

Well today I started out my day with sleep like always when I have a day off from school, but it was too quite for me to be sleeping and have no interruption. As soon as the time hit 4 the chaos returned to my house and everything was just normal hearing the yelling the crying the I didn’t do it part or dam your selfish part. That was all comforting to hear once and a while not to often so I was glad to have that lil chaos at home to know that I am not alone in this house of solitude otherwise I sleep forever with a certain noise to wake me up. Well that really is my day and well now I cant write anymore since I explained it all but here is a lil quiz to entertain u all with so u can take it as well ^^;;;

Goddess of Magic

What Kind of Goddess Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

But in the mean time I will try and update more about exciting things that can happen to me when the day passes me hopefully I will have better things to type about then this boring shit.. and don’t tell me its boring cuz I know its boring >.< , but thanks anyway my faithful readers that I am not boring if u ever say that to me XD!!!

Ja ne My loyal Readers!!

Just a little something to add

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 10:10:56 GMT

I just Love my new Anime that i keep downloading!!! Naruto!!!! But my fav. character from their, if you cant tell Kakashi!!!! My wonderful Copy ninja Kakashi!!

_thesadist_ is loved.

_thesadist_ is loved.

_thesadist_ is loved.

and the rest is from variouse other shows' ^__^

_thesadist_ is loved.

_thesadist_ is loved.

_thesadist_ is loved.

_thesadist_ is loved.

Hmmm indeed!

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 05:02:07 GMT

Well A link was given to me by a friend and now I want to share hopefully every one likes it just as much as i doo ^__^

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/monkey.html

and i did another quiz so here is what the quiz of the day is ^__^

Take the quiz: "Wich Kill Bill character are you? (female)"

The Bride
Yes, the hero (or not) you wanted revange for youre baby (who is still alive) and you'll get youre revange! Youre also quick and efficient. You like yellow clothes.. and hey, calm down a little, You little spitfire.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 04:32:13 GMT

Hmm well i am back to my old quizes deal XD!! here is one i thought was cute but the whole part of not being comfortabler around a group is soo sad, oh well its just a silly quiz.

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Intelligence
In a survival situation, you:	Run like hell
Your hidden talent is:	Seeing the best in others
Your gift is:	A loving heart
In groups, you:	Feel uncomfortable
Your best quality is:	Your abundant energy
Your weakness is:	Your overbearing nature

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Wow Amajor Update is in Need!!!

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 09:22:36 GMT

Wow I haven’t updated since well hmmm well ~thinks~ ..... since Nov. 4th!! Wow that is a long time huh? Well yea now I need to update what has happened to my so called boring life that I don’t spend ever freaken day with my bf XD! To recap thanksgiving has passed and I spent it well. How you say? Well I spend it with my bf and a few friends which made me feel calm and in good spirits to be with my bf on this holiday that I usually spend with my family. Though I think the rest of my family is warming up to him except my father of course... >.< but that is expected of him since I am his first born daughter but then again I don’t expect him to care so much since I am viewed as a failure in his eyes and probably will be till I give him a fucking hummer classic not the new ugly types >_>. Ah well after I came home I didn’t have a lick of an argument with him so it was good he got together with the family and I got together with my other family that consists of close friends and future husband. I am actually happy so incredibly happy that its sickening in some way. Lol I really cant help but be this incredibly happy knowing things went so well and I just hope Christmas will go well since my bf wants to come along to meet the rest of my family that he will soon be associated with sooner or later but I just have a strong feeling that it will be either a disaster or heavenly. Either way, I just have that gut wrenching feeling it will go bad with my dad being so insulting towards him when he is not around and tells me about the stupid joke I take to the heart when he insults the love of my life....

Well so far that has been that week of Thanksgiving, but on to other pressing news that I have rekindled the passion of my dreams when I have fantasy about an anime bishonen. Yes I know its silly but you know what I don’t give a fucking damn if it be silly or not. The passion that stirs me up so much in my waking dreams besides my bf the one and only man of my life is my two bishonen from my two famous anime’s that I am so in love with is from Inu Yasha is Seshomaru - Sama & Kakashi Hatake. OMFG I just adore those two!!! I just love how different they r and how sexy they are!! I just melt in the constant fanfics I keep reading for those two and it just makes me wonder if I was a anime character I would want to be paired up with them!! You cant blame a girl for her dreams can you O.o? Well if you can then I am screwed XD!!!

Hmm I think that's all I really have to say about my so called boring life I have had so far but I will try to update more once I have more to say on my self so that you my faithful readers can read up and see or rather read up on my life so that you can be happy ^__^, but ffor now this is fare well for now till next update!
Jane!!

Wow I need to update!

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 10:04:50 GMT

Well its been a long while since I updated huh? yup its time for a major update with my lj and its time to tell my stories that has happened. mhmm story time ^^;; don’t u just luv my stories? Well anyway to recap on my week I just had a b-day party to attend to on Monday. Who's b-day party was it? it was non other then my best friend Paola and what good drunken time I had with her and close friends and my bf of course! Although I had a bad tummy ach and a burning throat but I was still able to function cuz Tuesday. I had to work at the polls cuz of nov.2 was voting time!!! what grand fucked up time I had giving ppl ballots and taking them and having them sign a list >.<... but anyways my week been good.. I mean I got Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday with my bf all to my self!!! what a good time!!!! yesh those were blast up days I had. so lucky!! I have such a cool loving and wonderful bf!!! well that really is the sum up of what I did this week and a bit of last week... hmm what else I can tell but post up a new test I recently took XD!!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Is the test really that bad??? or am I reading it wrong, oh well give me comments on the test I took please! Well that really all that is needed to be said and posted for now but I will try to update more as often as I can with my lj cuz I know my loyal and faithful readers would want to read on what I must say and have to say. well ttul my loyal fans and please comment my posts its always nice to get feedbacks!!! ja ne!!! ^_~

Update!

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 08:04:19 GMT

Well I really have been wanting to update but really not sure what to write about so I am gonna just do what I want to say, but here goes. I am just tired on these days of waiting I know its not hard to wait but I really, really want to move out.. I don’t care ware just as long as I am close to him(Now I know u been keeping up on who I am talking about XD!). but I just have to be patient soon he said and I trust him with in a month or two month's tops to be out of my life here living with my parents. sure its cozy and nice but I am really tired of having my dad say do something more get a job or yell of the top of his tongue about stupid shit that really doesn’t concern me... but I just hope it will happen sooner. I just have to be patient. At least I get to see him on his days off and we get to be together and just hang around and be silly or talk and talk till whets bugging us gone ^__^. I just love my relationship so far its great, its wonderful, its just something I have as my own with him were I know I can truly say to him what I am feeling or how I am feeling inside and just leap into his arms and let go of such feelings. He just makes things feel better and I just cant do nothing more then smile. smile I luv to smile around him to make him happy. I am just gonna be her patient and make the best of things while i am waiting waiting for the day i call my place my own and make the rules XD!!

You're Sakura Kinomoto! That means that you're full
of energy and are still a little kid at heart.
You have a lot of potential, but are someimes
too timid to show your abilities. Open up and
don't be afraid because you're awesome. Go you!

Which Cardcaptor Sakura Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I dont know?

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 11:12:23 GMT

Your a GUARDIAN ANGEL! congrates you are the one
who looks out for others. your comferting,
nice, and nice to be around. you protect your
friends and others from dangers in life and
hope for the best in everything and everyone!

What type of angel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

well what really can I say to update my journal... the week has been shitty since my friend had a troubling week with her family and that just brought me to sadness, though we did go out today to cheer her up she did smile a couple of times and laughed which was great and we even went to this Japanese restaurant that was incredibly good!! OMG good eating! The Kobe meet was incredible and the California rolls were awesome melting in my mouth!!! I want to go to that place once more and eat their :was very stuffed: yes I was so stuffed. After , all was eaten and done with we soon headed to my friends house and kicked it for a bit she was very happy that we hung out with her to cheer her up and got a call from an unexpected person I thought I never would have hear from but I did and that only brightened up her night as well. Well that’s really all that happened on this eventful night of sadness and of good times to cheer some one up that is a close friend to my heart, but till next time I will post another evenfall day about my life.
ja ne my faithful readers

Update On me!!!

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 09:28:53 GMT

You are the most universal mythical beast ever. Sightings of the unicorn have been reported from all over the world, even in modern times. Unicorns are pure and incorruptible. In China, unicorns symbolized gentleness, good will, and wisdom. Christianity links the unicorn with Christ. It is said that unicorns would only allow virgin girls to see them, let alone touch them. They were easily lured into fatal ambushes by a virgin with some poachers waiting for the unicorn in nearby bushes. A unicorn's horn was a highly prized possession, which was reputed to have great healing capabilities. With the touch of its horn, a unicorn could bring back a person who had been dead for several hours. But when separated from the unicorn's body, the magic was significantly reduced. The unicorn had the body of a horse, a unique spiraling horn, and a lion's tail. They were pure white in color.

What mythical beast best represents you? Take the quiz!

Well I know I haven’t really did much updating on my journal and even if I did update all I posted was the result of the quiz I took. Now I just decided to write about what has been going on and how I have felt these past few days. First) I know u all have heard from me that I am engage which I am happy I just don’t know when I am getting married, two) Things like relationships with my family mainly my dad has been shitty since we always and I mean always find the time to argue with each other and it got so bad that I began to cry cuz he wouldn’t leave my relationship with my bf/fiancé alone and just told me straight out get the fuck out of here... in other words he just told me to leave the house, which I did I got out and left and didn’t come back the next day cuz I needed to cool down and stop crying for his harsh cruel words he said to me. three)I been going out a lot meaning less time on the net hence why my dad been getting upset with me cuz I come home at late hours but I always come home no matter what unless I call saying I am staying over which I don’t get what his deal is. four) I don’t know when I will move out but I hope it is soon cuz I am just tired of my dad's stupidity and being blamed for the new computers defaults or when its to working right.... -.- . so as u can see all those steps r or have been occurring while I haven’t had the time to post my current days or events., but now that every one has left me alone to think things through I am able to post. I hope things wont side track me away from posting again but I am not sure. Ah well selavi selavi (don’t ask me what that is cuz I don’t know XD!) well that’s really everything that has happened to me in a nut shell and hope to post some more but for nowI end my updating for my live journal with a bye bye till the next time my faithfull fans.
Ja Ne

Quizes, Quizes Oh My!

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 10:47:15 GMT

Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
Well here i have anotehr quizz i wanted to show ^^

Another Quiz!!!

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 09:39:14 GMT

Hey my Loyal pees sorry to kgive u another quiz but i luv the outcome of htese cute quizes so i post them for my enjoyment and urs so keep up the reading cuz i might post up something interesting ^-^

Which Naruto Character are You?
quiz by orangeday.net

Test Of doom!! Take it if u dare?!

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 23:42:58 GMT

You are G.I.R! Your duties are to assist your Irken lord Zim in his mission of doom, to find your next taco and to watch The Scary Monkey Show.

That horrible monkey...

...doomie doomie da-doom
doom-de-doom-doom...

Take The Mighty Invader Zim Test!

let's see:
your name
do you smoke?
do you drink?
stronger drugs?
your favourite activity
you are	A chatter box
you wish you were	Nostradamus
you hope	To achieve something in this life
people think you are	Shy
intelligent people though, think you are	Trashy
but, really, you're just	A good hearted thing

This quiz by apistrakus - Taken 69285 Times. </a>